If you have anyone you reach, run to OR call on whenever a problem breaks out, or in your hard and down moments, then you probably know about support systems. In the case that you do not know much about support systems, you may ask - what exactly does it mean? How powerful is it? How does a support system work and why is it needed?
A support system is similar to the engine of a car or the bolts and nuts in a mechanical equipment? It is basically a network of people who provide support in every form to an individual.
For many people, the circumstances around can cause them to say things like "I can do it all by myself" or in some cases, say that "I am independent". While it is a great idea to be assertive, it is also great to learn that life is better when you don’t have to go it alone. That is one reason why you should work to identify the people in your life who support you and focus on strengthening those relationships.
Who are the people you share your big and small wins with? If you ask yourself this question and sincerely answer, finding no one, then you need a support system for accountability, help, growth, and especially, sharing a common sense of purpose. The truth is the importance of a support system can't be overemphasized.
How then can you build a support system?
1. Do not set out to be a user by trying to drink from a well you didn't dig. Support is a two-way street. Remember in referrals, affiliate marketing and the popular crashed platform - MMM, you have to do something worthy of a reward to get a reward - get help by providing help. A support system requires mutual exchange.
2. Find people who share your interests. This can help you to facilitate meaningful friendships. It will make you feel like you belong.
3. Be committed to the passion and success of your support system. Don't be lackadaisical about them and they won't be lackadaisical about you too.
4. Know that you are what and who you surround yourself with. Align yourself with valuable people who are of matching goals and values. While doing this, you have to be a person of value yourself.
5. Your support system doesn't have to be a group of perfect people - no one is . But they should have qualities you admire, knowledge that is beneficial to you, the ability to listen and understand, and empathy. These traits are key to great supporters.
Like I said, support is a two-way street. Once you identify the main supporters in your life, do your best to build those relationships. Connect with them regularly and keep them updated about your life.
Invite them into your decisions and explain your reasoning, ask for their honest opinion. Be open to feedback, even if it’s not always what you want to hear. The best people are those who will tell you tough truths and help you see your options from different perspectives.
In building a support system, networking is important because your SS doesn't have to be people around you alone.
Let me give you one hack, asking for help can help you influence people. It gets them talking about themselves before you know it, you're on your way getting their support and also gibing yours.
Pray about your relationships. There are some people that you are not 'ready' to meet and that's the truth. You might just not have what they need yet and vice versa. Also, do not refuse to enjoy support and love from people because you've been hurt in the past.
The Importance of a support system
There is a rule in networking that says you're just 6 people away from meeting the 'celebrity' of your dream. Imagine you want to meet Fela Durotoye, and you have a friend that has a Friend that has a friend that knows him, you have indirectly met him (depending on your relationship strength).
A support system will always pull up their influence for you, show up and come through for you. It will outdo you in love and stay happy for you. One of many disclaimers in selecting a support system here is this: "the fact that you grew up together doesn't mean you're supposed to be friends". Again, if they are constantly picking on your flaws, treating you wrongly and always saying negative things about you, please move away.
Also, do not burn bridges. Some people are late to the life party. The things you know today, you've not always known them. So be considerate but you don't have to "die there"
You can have different kinds of support systems and across different age groups too. Don't box yourself into one support system. Nurture relationships. Ask relevant questions. How can I help you? How can this friendship work?... It is important to surround yourself with positive and trustworthy people who can walk through your triumphs and struggles with you. It's not only the good times you need a SS (Support System) for. You need them for your low days too.
They should be encouraging, care about your life goals, and have your best interests at heart. When you have that kind of support system, you’ll be more likely to reach your goals and persevere.
If I've not mentioned this already, this relationship have to be maintained. It's serious work. Yoruba people will say "it's what a bird eats that will enable it to fly"
If you're sure it's a worthy relationship, maintain and Nurture your relationships. Give it your all and make it work
Also, don't look down on anybody. It is true that people are not on the same level, but then everyone has something to offer. It might just not be what you need but make sure the relationship is at a stage where you're able to talk to them again without feeling guilty. Like you've treated them badly or something.
Please, be vulnerable. If you're a James Bond to the whole world, always have people you can bare your emotions to. To identify and select members of your support system, you should ask yourself these questions:
1. How do you feel when you talk to this person? Happy? Sad? Rejected? Devastated? Excited or Energetic?
2. Is the advice they give based on your well-being?
3. Do they tell you tough truths when you need to hear them?
4. Do they celebrate your triumphs with you?
5. How do they respond to your wins?
How do you break off from a support system that has not met the standards of a good one?
1. Natural drifting - when the things that excite you don't excite them and vice versa. You no longer share same values, you'll find yourselves drifting apart naturally. No connection or anything to sustain the relationship.
2. You can talk about it. Relationships are about compromise. If you can't find a middle point to agree on. Leave peacefully such that you'd still be able to wave/smile to yourselves in public without hard feelings. 20 children can't play for 20 years, so that's it.
- Moyosade Ademiluyi
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